


jab of pain

by thesassykels66



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Coffee date, Flu shot, Fluff, Needles, Panic Attack, Phan - Freeform, Trypanophobia, chapter 2, fainting mention, flu jab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-06 20:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14065044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassykels66/pseuds/thesassykels66
Summary: Dan and Phil get quick flu jabs for their tour, and Phil doesn't have a good time.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a requirement to make sure they had all their vaccines before traveling the world for months on end, but it didn't mean that Phil wasn't nervous. Every. Single. Time. Walking into the pharmacy, turning the corner, and filling out their paperwork for simple flu jabs that children got on a yearly basis. Phil jiggled his legs trying to calm the tight knot in his stomach. Ignoring Dan who was chuckling at him. 

"Phil," 

"You're going first," Phil muttered through his teeth, seeing a doctor in a white coat appear from the door. A cartoon styled sign was posted to the surface of the door, stating to keep hands clean and get annual check ups. Dan rolled his eyes as he stood and walked in following the doctor. The door latched and Phil's breath quickened. 

He knew he was being ridiculous. He had no reason to be mildly freaking out over a simple jab. He was not a kid anymore, he was well an adult, he could manage this simple act to keep his health up for the remaining months. But he couldn't help but think of the worst; what if he had an allergic reaction? What if it really hurt and he'd have to get his arm amputated? His mind wandered back to when he was miserably ill in America during their first time touring. Phil shook his head and dragged out a breath, knowing he did not want to relive that again.

It seemed less than two minutes before Dan came waltzing out of the room with nothing but a smile on his face. 

"Did it hurt?" Phil spoke, a bit of weariness lingering from his tongue. 

"No. Not at all. Didn't feel a thing." He shook his head, "It was nothing." 

Phil took a breath, "okay," He reassured himself. 

"It's okay Phil," Dan let out a chuckle, the tip of his shoe touching Phil's, "do you want me to go in with you?" He asked.

Phil felt embarrassed then, realizing that he was completely overreacting. Both Dan and the doctor stood watching Phil brush him to the side. "No," he said coldly, following the doctor into the small room and having the door shut behind him. 

It was more of a closet than a room. Nothing more than two chairs and a small table between them. The packaged needles kept in a small tub on the wall, a few cabinets, and jars full of cotton swabs and bandages. Phil's eyes fixated on the colourful assortment of lollies in a glass. It would probably be really pathetic for a 31-year-old man to ask for a lolly. 

"So you're traveling the world, eh? That seems so exciting." The doctor started, sitting in his rolling chair and putting on fresh gloves. Phil rolled up his sleeve and felt his heart begin to race. 

"Yeah, it will be." He chuckled nervously, rotating his body and placing his arm on the table. His muscles contracting tight all the way up his forearm and into his shoulder. 

"Would you like to watch it?" The doctor asked, unveiling the needle from its fresh package. Phil looked away and shook out a breath. 

"Uh, no." He said gritting his teeth. 

"You alright?" 

Phil swallowed, "Just, don't like needles." He laughed again, forcing himself to make weak eye contact. A warm flush of humiliation flooded Phil's cheeks. He wanted to shrink and be done with the whole ordeal and be cuddled up on his sofa in his favourite pjs watching a film with Dan. He wanted to be anywhere that wasn't in a claustrophobic room with needles and Positive Health posters staring him in the face. 

Phil suddenly wished Dan was in the room, even if he was laughing at him. It would have been a nice gentle soothing face in a small space of white and pain.

He felt the doctor's latexed hand pad against Phil's skin and press firmly in the top of Phil's arm. Phil's eyes squeezed shut in hope that it was over, "Have you done it yet?" 

The doctor giggled, "No, not yet." He wiped Phil's arm with a wipe and put pressure on the spot again. 

"Have you done it now?" 

"No. I've not done it yet. Just calm down." He lowered his voice, "You can relax your arm too y'know." 

"I am relaxed," Phil lied, relaxing his arm the tiniest bit. 

"Can you let go of the table?"

"Right," Phil lets go, curling his fingers into a fist instead, feeling the doctor's hand press against his arm once more. 

"I'll count down before I do it okay?" He said in a gentle tone. Phil blushed as he felt like he was kid again. 

"Okay," 

"It's just like a tiny scratch. Nothing more than like a finger nail poking ya." 

Dan's voice echoed in his ears. _It was nothing. Didn't feel a thing._

"Ready?" 

Phil nodded and clenched his eyes shut, feeling his knuckles slowly burn white. 

"One, two, three." He felt the jab enter his skin with a strong pinch. Leaving a burning sensation and Phil's jaw dropped open. Tingles were racing up and down Phil's arm. 

"Ow." He admitted, giving a hard rub after the doctor stuck a plaster over the jab. "That was not a scratch" He mumbled, feeling convicted.  _Dan. That betrayer._ He thought. 

"You're done! Well good job!" He said as if he was speaking to a child. He helped Phil out of the chair and out of the room. His eyes like magnets attracted to Dan sitting in the waiting chair, nose deep in his phone. Phil walked right on by feeling Dan follow behind. 

"How did it go?" He said aligning in place next to him. 

"You lied to me." 

"No I didn't," Phil could feel Dan's expression burrowing into him. 

"You said it didn't hurt when it did." 

Dan's shoulders dropped, "Phil," His tone low and soft. "You know I would have gone in with you if you were that stressed about it." 

"It's fine. It's whatever." They walked out of the pharmacy and onto the street, tucking their hands into their coat pockets. 

"I could've held your hand, y'know," Dan muttered softly, sparking small jolts of warmth through Phil's chest. 

Phil frowned still, "It's just stupid." 

"It's not stupid, it's completely rational. Lots of people have fear of needles Phil." 

He finally made eyes with Dan, all sparkly and light, "Did you watch it go in?" 

Dan smirked, "Yeah, I always do. It's cool." 

A shutter rang through Phil just imagining the small jab impale his skin. Dan let out a throaty laugh. 

"What if I'm going to need like IVs and stuff when I'm old and dying? I'm never going to be able to do that..." 

"Then let's not think about that now." Dan bumped into Phil's not-jabbed shoulder, "I think you deserve a reward. Starbucks?" 

Phil pouted, but nodded. Walking into their familiar coffee shop for the thousandth time, ordering and buying sweets sitting by the window in a corner booth. Pain slowly spreading from the jab, he smiled it away as Dan brought their drinks. Taking in a long sip and burning the roof of his mouth. At least the scalding could distract from the tingling numb from the pathetic shot. He caught glances with Dan, and like reading words from a book, he brought their knees closer together. "You okay?" He asked, just as sweet as Phil's coffee. 

There was a sudden wetness in Phil's eyes. He rolled them and blinked feverishly, looking out the window and scoffing, "Yeah, fine." 

"Phil," 

"Will you stop?" The sternness in his voice even startled himself. Phil knew he wasn't good with confrontation, especially to his own fears. 

But Dan nudged his knee again, "It's alright Phil. Everyone has shit they don't like." 

"Maybe I shouldn't have gotten one. Maybe I would have gotten sick anyway." He took another sip. 

Dan snickered, "Yeah. And having you sleep all day and watching you groan in agony was hell of a lot of fun for me too," He let out a sigh, "Although I'll take care of a sick Philly any day, of course." 

"I'm just not excited about the next three shots we have to get." 

"And you know what?" Phil looked into Dan's eyes, watching the rose embed into his cheeks, "I don't care how much you think you'll be okay, I'm going to be there and I'm holding your hand, whether you like it or not." Dan smiled, bringing his cup to his lips. 

"Okay," Phil replied, feeling a burst of warmth and affection flood his chest and stomach. Nibbling on their shared muffins and indulging their drinks, changing subjects and eventually settling into the comfort of a break before jumping right back into tour planning.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not excited about the next three shots we have to get"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **panic attacks, blood draw, and brief mention of fainting**

It was the day Phil was dreading the most. Two weeks until their tour kicks off and Phil's heart was banging in his chest as their Uber pulled up to the clinic. Dan touched his hand slightly before getting out of the car and waiting for Phil to join him. Walking in to the doctor's office and checking in, each of them grabbing a clipboard and filling out their information. 

Phil's legs jiggled with anxiety. He clasped his sweaty hands and let out a soft groan. It felt as if his lungs were filling with sand. His mind racing miles and miles a minute. He wanted to get up and pace, but that would cause other's in the waiting room to watch him. Phil wanted to run away and scream and beat himself up for being so ridiculous. A grown man completely afraid of needles so much it sends him into a panic. 

There was a wide range of what triggered Phil's anxiety, as he's known to hide it very well from others. It wasn't until just a few years ago that Dan actually witnessed one of Phil's panic attacks. He tried everything in his power to keep his anxiety and fears away from Dan, as he had his own demons to deal with. He had his own mental state and his own anxiety to battle, he didn't need to know that simple things like leaving keys on a table at home or confronting a business manager would make a fire burn wildly in Phil's chest. Needles were just one out of the list of things. And he was glad Dan was just as supportive of him. 

Dan brushed his knee against Phil's to bring him back to reality. His face soft and glowing, curly hair freshly washed that morning and his dimples caving on both sides of his cheeks. "It's going to be alright Phil," He spoke softly, warmly, like an open hug Phil could have probably used. 

Phil let out a sigh as he leaned back into his chair, feeling his heart beat eradicate and his fingers turn shaky. He let his eyes focus on the child playing with a tablet on the floor, when suddenly a nurse asked a different patient to walk back with her. His mind then returned back to why they were here. Imagining an evil scientist in a blazing white coat with a needle the size of Jupiter. Phil shuddered at his own thoughts and put his head towards his lap. His thumbs resting against his temples as he began rocking backwards and forwards. 

A warm steady hand was pressed against his back, moving slowly in circles and up and down his middle. "Count your breaths Phil. Remember thoughts are clouds just passing by." Dan said in a gentle tone. He liked it when Dan mentioned his own therapy tips and how useful they can be for anyone. He drew in a long breath and released it slowly, counting in his head and repeating the action once more. 

"This is stupid, so fucking stupid." Phil muttered, sitting up and feeling how hot his face was. 

Dan shook his head, his hand still on his back, "It's not stupid." 

"How come we can't take pills? Why does it have to be vaccines?" Phil swallowed, his eyes darting back towards the door where the nurses keep appearing from. 

Dan shrugged, "I don't know but I wish I could change the rules." He tried to joke, but Phil didn't crack a smile. He let out another long breath before sitting all the way back into his chair again, forcing Dan's hand away. They sat silently until they were finally called back. 

They were weighed, measured, had their blood pressure taken, and asked general questions as they walked side by side. Until the nurse asked one unfortunate question. "We'd also like to take a blood test," she said. Phil nearly blacked out and his stomach lodged into his throat. He stopped in his tracks before Dan's hands found his and tugged him along to a quiet small room. They both sat in the chairs against the wall and looked at the patient table-bed in the middle of room. Covered with a thin line of protective paper. Phil's hands violently shaking and his breath uneasy as she closed the door. 

"I can't, I can't do it." Phil let out, finally pacing within closed quarters. 

"Phil, it's alright. This is why they didn't let us eat before coming here." Dan stood and took Phil's hands in his own, squeezing, "I don't want to take the blood test either but we have to." 

Phil started to whimper, clutching onto Dan's hands like he was hanging on to the side of a building. He was completely overreacting and he knew that, feeling heat of embarrassment flood to his face. But the worst was looking to Dan's eyes and seeing how concerned they looked. His brown irises shaded dark and the wrinkles around his eyes were soft. Phil wanted to shrink down to a microscopic size and never had to be seen again. 

"What can I do to help you, love?" Dan asked with complete sincerity. 

"How come you're so calm?!" 

"I mean I'm not. I'm not calm Phil. I hate seeing you like this." He let out a shaky breath, "I often think I'm never capable of helping you when you're like this." He bit back, almost like he had chosen the wrong words. He let go of Phil's hands and looked at the floor, combing his fingers through his hair. 

"I don't really want to argue on what you think you can and cannot do for me right now." Phil said, having his mind race and his feelings be spilled out in multiple different directions in his body. He suddenly felt overwhelmed, forcing himself to look at every detail of the flower photograph that was on the wall. He felt Dan take a step back and float back down into his chair. 

"Okay," Was all he said. Giving Phil the space he needed, even if it was just for a moment. 

Phil wasn't good with working through his emotions. He knew when to talk when things weren't going right and how to speak up when he was absolutely in shambles. He knew when to say when he was scared or sad or upset. But when it came to the mild reactions, the ones he claims that aren't so bad, he takes on the bitterness and refuses to be consoled. Phil could guess that it could relate to a childhood memory of his dad saying to "toughen up" or "man up", but those were stages he knew were just stigmas of society. He was well over that now, and Phil allowed himself to be soft and emotional and to fail as a human. But for some reason, he hated having other people witness it. Even if some people were his own partner and best friend. 

All the internal debates were hit on pause as the doctor knocked on the door and allowed herself to enter. "Hello lads," She greeted, full of smiles and bright green eyes. Her natural caramel skin bounced against her red hair and nails. Dan made quick small talk as she washed her hands in the sink and pulled up their files on the computer, repeating why they were here and which vaccines they were getting. Dan was lucky and was only receiving two, as his one he got before his trip to Sri Lanka two years ago was still valid for another year. "Who shall go first?"

"I'll go," Phil abruptly said, surprising himself. Dan widened his eyes and nodded, letting Phil take a seat on the edge of the bed. The paper crinkling as he sat. He rolled up his sleeve and let out a breath, "I'm just going to say this now, I'm really nervous." He said to the kind doctor.

She smiled, examining his arm and wiping it with alcohol, "I could tell as soon as I walked in. Don't worry, I'm a complete professional and I know what I'm doing. It'll only take a minute if trust me and not freak out." She pulled up a tray and laid the fresh needles side by side, and Phil forced himself to look away, already feeling queasy. 

"Do you want me to-"

"No," Phil cut Dan off, knowing exactly what he was going to ask. Ignoring the screaming voice of  _Yes asshole let your husband hold your hand you big baby_ in his head. 

Suddenly the doctor giggled, "It was funny. This one time this man, probably early forties, was getting a tetanus jab. The burliest man I had ever seen. Rippled biceps, wearing a vest, he even had a lip ring. Not even two seconds after the jab he broke down and sobbed like a child." They both nervously laughed to calm the atmosphere, "I've seen it all, and you are actually one of the calmer ones. That's all I'm sayin'"

The doctor took a needle and placed her gloved hand on Phil's forearm, he immediately tensed up. He could feel how he must've looked because Dan stood out of his chair and found his place right next to Phil, taking in his free hand without even asking. Phil gave in and squeezed hard, letting out a shaky chuckle as Dan smiled. 

"It'll be nothing," Dan tried a break of encouragement.

"Just take a deep breath and you'll be done," She said, Phil automatically sucking in a large breath and holding it.

"You can just look at me, think about how we're going to be in all those cool new places. India, New Zealand, the Philippines." He winked

"Oh my lord, you are making me jealous," The doctor added, suddenly going for it with the jabs. Tingles rush through Phil's arm before he could even register what was happening. She was placing a plaster on his arm before he even realized that she was finished. "Well done then! I believe that it's your turn now." She ushered over to Dan. 

"Wow, that was really fast." Phil said in surprise, holding his arm. He could feel heat radiating from it as Dan took his place. 

"I told you it was nothing," Dan replied, fixing up his shirt and watching the doctor do his turn of jabs. He winced at the last one and shook his arm after he was done. 

"Alright, you guys are awesome. You can follow me and we'll lead up with your blood tests then," 

Phil's stomach dropped and snatched onto Dan's hand, lacing their fingers as they walked through the back offices. No other doctors giving them a second glance. Before he knew it he was being sat in a chair once more with a yellow band being tied around his upper arm. His heartbeat speeding up again. 

A new doctor wearing blue scrubs appeared in a rolling chair, holding a vile and a tube and a much longer needle than the jabs he had to endure today. He felt queasy and light headed suddenly, clenching his fists just as the doctor told him to. Phil was surprised to see Dan still holding on to him. 

He could tell the doctor was speaking to him, probably asking some ordinary questions but they were swimming out of his ears, "It's best to just not talk to him, he'll be fine." He heard Dan explain. A slight smile crept across his lips as he closed his eyes, squeezing hard on Dan's hand as he felt the needle puncture into his arm. He wanted to scream and cry but instead he just held his breath. Counting the aggravating seconds until he was finished. He felt his head spin, his teeth chatter, and then suddenly his mind went blank.

When he opened his eyes he was sat in a different chair, in a completely different waiting room, with Dan's hand still clutching onto his. Phil studied him playing with his phone until he looked up and met his eyes. His legs jiggling as vigorous as Phil's back when they were in the waiting room. "Hey," His voice croaked. 

"What happened?" Phil rubbed his eyes, feeling the sting in his upper arm and pain from beneath a cotton swap in the crease of his other arm. Phil frowned looking back up at Dan, "I--"

"Nothing Phil. You got your blood drawn and did really well." 

Phil frowned, "But how come I can't--"

"Don't worry about it, Phil. But you should have a snack at least, you deserve it." He pointed over to the small table with a basket of crisps and biscuits and juice. "Plus we can't leave until eating something anyway. But the car is on its way." 

Phil leaned forward and picked up the crisp packet, opening it and crunching a few in his mouth. His throat felt tight and he couldn't stop the humiliation from sweltering him. He was glad no one else was in the room with them as he felt his lips quiver. Trying to distract himself by shoving crisps into his mouth and chomping loudly. "Did I faint?" His voice breaking. 

Dan frowned, petting his shoulder and eating the rest of his biscuit pouch, "No, Phil. You did really well." 

"But I fainted, right?"

"No. Phil you did not faint." Dan raised his voice, chuckling slightly. Phil turned his back to him, feeling the lump in his throat swell and swell. Silently hating himself for acting like such a child in the doctor's office.  _I should've just kept my mouth shut. I should've just not displayed anything. I'm an adult this shouldn't have phased me._

They didn't speak a word leaving the clinic, or on the car ride home. It was uncomfortably quiet and Phil didn't know why. He tried breaking the ice a few times with random pieces of small talk but Dan didn't carry through. Phil still felt on edge, his skin buzzing of just wanting to be at home already. 

The lift up to their apartment was even more uncomfortable. He could feel Dan's eyes peer into him, like daggers of sympathy and pity. He swallowed down guilt and took out his keys from his pocket, his hands shaking to get the key into the lock. Dan's expression still diving deep into the back of his neck. 

He let them both into their apartment when Phil felt a wall of exhaustion. Without saying a word he walked into the AmazingPhil room and closed the door, breathing shallowly and feeling tears brim his eyes. His bright coloured bed sheets blurring in his vision. 

Dan didn't knock, but he was just suddenly there. Embarrassment swam through Phil as he collapsed himself into Dan's arms, letting the tears fall. His face hot and red, wanting to completely disappear from everything. Dan consoled him softly, running his hands over Phil's arms and back, swaying them gently from side to side. He hugged tighter, kissing Phil's temple while his hands and fingers still comforted. 

"We're done Phil. We don't have to go back. I'm so sorry." Dan whispered, tickling his back, "I'm proud of you," 

Phil scoffed, sniffing deeply and letting out a soft sob into his shoulder, "It's ridiculous. I don't know why I've gotten worse as I get older." 

"Well it's not often you're around needles."

"I don't ever want to see a needle again." 

Dan place his cheek next to Phil's, feeling the warm softness of his skin. Phil smiled, letting him sink into the moment and the comfort of Dan's arms. 

"Should we order lunch?" Dan asked, having Phil nod. They stepped back and Phil already felt cold. Dan wiping the stray tears away from his cheeks and subtly kissing his chapped lips. "I love you. And all your crazy flaws." 

Phil smiled, "I love you too, furry."

Dan threw his hands down in disbelief and giggled, "Okay now you've ruined it." He waved his finger as he walked out of the room, leaving Phil to laugh at himself and to take a steady breath. Admiring his new battle wounds, remembering what they were for in the first place. 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
